Curse you, internet!
by Sweet Trickster
Summary: Imagine yourself as a closet otaku. Imagine your best friend finding out you are a closet otaku. Imagine your friend being a closet otaku too. Now imagine them breaking into your house and ordering hetalia units. Based on LolliDictator's Hetalia units.
1. Chapter 1

**Curse you, internet!**

_Author's Note: So, I know it's pretty crappy, but I would apperciate it if you commented and tell me how it was. Anyways, this a Manual fic based off of LolliDictator's Hetalia Manuals. Lynn is not my real name, I just felt awkward putting my real name here so I used Lynn. The very first part of this chapter is not really related to hetalia, only the end of the chapter is related. But don't worry, after that it should be about hetalia~! Enjoy~_

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

I stared at my best friend in shock. How did she manage to get into my house? Why was she on **my** PC? Why the hell is she looking through my Hetalia files?

"Lynnie~!" She shouted running up to me, trying to hug tackle me with tears in her eyes.

"What are you doing in my house!" I shouted at her trying to get out of her way.

"I know your secret, Lynnie!" She said while trying to get hold of me.

I froze. She knew I was a otaku?

"You watch Hetalia too? I thought that I'd always be alone!"

WAIT. She watched Hetalia!

"WAIT, what!"

She looked at me like I was an idiot, but never took that smile off of her face.

"I watch Hetalia! Didn't you ever wonder why I never let you into my house?"

I stared at her in disbelief, shocked at the fact that my best friend was also a closet otaku. She swooped up one of my Feliciano figurines and cradled in her arms and opened my closet door to reveal an poster of Romano.

"Wow, your really are an Italy fan, aren't you?" She said, looking through my collection of figurines, as well as several rolled up posters of the Italian brothers. She quickly pulled out my cosplay outfits and my fake curl.

"Maybe I should have ordered the FELICIANO Unit too." She said while frowning. She quickly hopped onto my chair and spun around on it, trying to slide to my PC.

"Marie? What are you doing my PC!" I shouted, but apparently, she didn't want to stop.

"Chillax Lynnie~!" Marie cheerfully said, making a few clicks and frequently spinning on my chair. "I'm just ordering you a FELICIANO Unit too!"

Ordering? Excuse me, what? Ordering equals spending money and I'm broke.

"Marie, you're going to pay for this, right!" I quickly asked her, hoping to God she would say yes.

"Well, I'm broke so you are probably going to end up paying for this, okay?"

NOOOO! I WAS SAVING UP FOR A LIFE SIZED POSTER OF ROMANO! I'M NEVER GOING TO GET IT NOW!

Regaining my sanity, I quickly asked her "How many units did you buy?"

"Hmm? One each of course, I'm not insane."

YES! Wait... Each?

"Though there was a limited time offer so I ended up getting you 5, plus the Italy unit. So I got you six."

"Marie..."

"Hmm?"

"How much did all of this cost..."

"977.99$ each. Pretty good deal isn't it?"

-

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><p><em>Short chapter, ain't it? The next one will be longer, honestly! So please comment and try to be honest in a nice way! I don't want to hear "j0o 5uck, 60 h0m3 joO lou5y writ3r." it annoys everyone. I mean everyone expect the writer of the comment.<em>


	2. Chapter 2

**Curse you, internet!**

**Chapter Two**

I dropped to the ground and looked under the couch, nothing. I walked over to the TV set and looked underneath the stand, still nothing. I crawled over to the window, looking outside for the delivery van.

I got to find more money!

5867.94$ is a lot to pay for and one hundred and six dollars just won't cut it! I looked out the window once more, knowing that there would probably be a van sitting outside, waiting to come up to my door and shout "Where's my money!" I peeked through the window, crossing my fingers that the only vehicle in my driveway would be my car. Let's see, my car, neighbor's car, HOLY! WHOSE CAR IS THAT!

The driver must've notice me looking out the window, because the next thing I knew, I was assaulted with a series of honking. I ran behind the couch, hoping to God that they thought it was just a ghost or something stupid like that. I heard the car door slam shut and angry voices outside, they walked up to my door and the next thing I knew. The doorbell rang.

OH. MY. GOD.

I slowly crept up to the doorway, opening it just a crack I said "Who's there?"

"Your ALFRED F. JONES UNIT has arrived sir."

I was scared shitless, I had no money to pay the guy, would he arrest me for it?

WAIT. Did he just call me a **sir!**

I swung the door wide open and slapped him square in the face. He cursed at me and slapped me back. He left the huge box at my doorstep and stomped back into his car, saying something about a fat walrus answering the door.

Ouch.

I dragged the box into my house thinking about my weight and all self conscious phrases the average teenager uses.

As I looked around for a crowbar- HOLY SHIT, I heard the window open! I looked around, using a crowbar as a makeshift weapon to fend off the baddies. I crawled around my house for a while, crowbar in hand looking around for the house intruder.

After crawling around for a while, I tiptoed over to the box and pried it open. There lay Alfred, sleeping like a baby. I had an urge to poke the sleeping nation, but resisted, just in case I ended up breaking my back. I picked the manual off his head and blew the dust off it. A cloud of dust formed, and traveled somewhere in my house, great now I have a dust demon inside my house.

I started reading the manual, and I started to wonder if maybe I should send him back. I never wanted Hetalia units in the first place. I sighed and kept reading, responds to Al, can be a policeman, yaoi is possible, and all that shit.

WAIT. Yaoi is possible!

I squealed with delight and quickly turned on one of my brothers old Superman cartoons. Since the box was already open, Alfred sprung out of his box and struck a superhero pose.

"HERO!"

He sat down to watch the cartoon while I tried to find the house intruder.

Unfortunately for me, the house intruder had found me.

"OooOo! You got Alfred? I got Matthew, so they can have hot incest sex! "

I jumped, I looked behind me, and saw Marie, my best friend.

"HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET IN HERE!" I shouted at her, did she bring someone with her!

"Windows Lynnie, windows weren't locked~!" She mused poking me in the head during the process.

Alfred sprang up into a Superman pose, hitting me in the head during the process.

"I think you should try to reprogram him now."

"No shit Sherlock my friend, no shit."

I crept up behind Alfred opening the programming box attached to his back.

Or at least trying too.

"I got to get his Bomber jacket off"

"Well that's easy, just wait until he strikes another pose and take it off."

Unfortunately, the cartoon ended the second that suggestion was said. Alfred fell backwards onto the floor and looked up at me.

"Hey! It's that girl from the door!" He shouted at me while pulling out a burger from who knows where.

In a matter of seconds, the burger was devoured and he pulled out a large soda.

"Hey got any food in here? Being in that box can even make heroes hungry." He said sipping on his soda.

"Err, so, what do you eat?"

Marie slapped me at the back of the head and rolled her eyes.

"Hamburgers! What else?"

Yep, should've expected that.

I walked to the kitchen and looked through the fridge, soy beans, ham, milk, water, vegetables and other kitchen foods.

"Ummm, I can only make Korean foods, so do you want some Duk Boki?"

OW! I got slapped by Marie again no doubt.

"Let's just go get some McDonalds; it is right around the corner anyways."

Alfred just dashed out the door, and managed to get onto the sidewalk in a flash.

I picked up my wallet and dashed out the door, Marie close behind me.

"So Alfred, how many burgers do you plan on ordering?"

"Thirteen Big Macs combos."

My jaw dropped, that won't cost as much as a TV, but on this rate, I will almost never get that Romano poster.

Alfred said something about heroes and stuff while we were walking and Marie found a nickel. Besides that it was uneventful.

By the time we got there, there was a huge sign that read:

**CLOSED FOR INSPECTION: RISK OF SHUTTING DOWN**

I thought Alfred would go emo or something. His cheery facial expression suddenly looked like he had seen a ghost.

"There must be another McDonalds somewhere around here, right?" Marie said, looking straight into my **soul.**

I shook my head, living in Canada had very few disadvantages, but now it seemed like it had a million.

"Let's just go get a hotdog or something, okay?" I did not need Alfred to hate me.

While we were walking back to my house, we decided to take a different path away from the smell of burgers and barbeque. But as we got closer to my house, the smell of burgers grew stronger.

"Hey look! It's a burger eating contest!"

Alfred suddenly turned all bubbly and cheerful and at the smell of his favorite food, and struck a famous Batman pose and ran to the smell of McDonalds. Before I knew it, he was sitting at the tables, anxious to start. I guess they thought Alfred was a contestant too, because before I knew it plates were handed out and the contest has begun.

I felt queasy at the sight of people eating rows and rows of greasy foods, so I covered my eyes and prayed it would be over. I heard Marie hollering at Alfred to keep on eating and other people doing the same. I opened my eyes to see Alfred wearing the first place ribbon and receiving a 500$ check to McDonalds.

Maybe having an Alfred unit wasn't so bad.


End file.
